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Visually stunning. Really, it was visually stunning. Did I mention that it was visually stunning?
Neil Gaiman fans will certainly slit my throat for this post. But after watching Beowulf the Movie last Saturday with my best friend, I have to admit that it felt really flat to me. Just like any stereotypical testosterone-pumped guy-next-door, I love consuming my fill of slash and bash movies. However, this version of the oldest English epic in existence was utterly too predictable and bland for my taste. There were funny moments that made me chuckle (i.e. the line, my mighty lust will bring you to paradise) but the twists in the transmogrified story were so obvious even a hack fortune-teller could spell it out for you minus her deck of tarot cards. The computer graphics-driven art direction was indeed amazing but it also had one powerfully undesirable effect -- it obliterated facial expressions and acting nuances even from extraordinary Oscar-winning thespians Anthony Hopkins and Angelina Jolie.
Plus, I was sitting beside one of the most beautiful girls I know and I was yawning desperately in an attempt to keep my eyelids wide open. And this was in the last full show.
Maybe its just me. Maybe I demand too much from the movies that I watch. But for a movie with Angelina Jolie as a seductive monster of the lasciviously burning flesh -- it felt strange to leave the theater feeling cold. There was no throbbing of the chest, no post-climactic hangover, not even the desire to beat somebody into a bloody pulp.
Certainly this was no 300. Not even a drop of blood close. Now that was bloody good.
Before you watch the movie and decide for yourself whether I was just being a rotten tomato or not, visit the Beowulf Official Movie Site at http://www.beowulfmovie.com.
